


This is Where Insanity Leads Us

by knightswhosay



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: 100 percent serious, M/M, Modern AU, Multi, Other, Threesome, as cracky as im likely to get, ménage à trois
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-04
Updated: 2014-08-04
Packaged: 2018-02-11 16:34:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,163
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2075202
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/knightswhosay/pseuds/knightswhosay
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Modern AU. Levi and Erwin are couple and one night they hook up with Hanji.</p>
            </blockquote>





	This is Where Insanity Leads Us

Levi woke to a loud caterwauling disguised as singing. Erwin was still in bed (still cuddled around Levi, actually; he felt a twinge of guilt at the dead-arm Erwin must have, then smirked to cover it up) so the wanna-be opera star must the completely bat shit crazy Hanji Zoe, who they'd picked up at a bar last night. (Levi had actually been the one to do so, a miracle in and of itself since, since Erwin was always the one who would seduce someone, guy or girl, to join them. But Hanji had found his “irregular” sense of humor “intriguing”—Hanji used far too many big words for anyone past a couple of drinks—and when they'd told Levi that, looks aside, they weren't actually a girl. Levi thad old them he didn't give a fuck, both him and his boyfriend just wanted sex. Hanji had looked at him and said, “They're two of you?” So he had introduced them to Erwin and they had looked just a little too delighted at the fact that Levi's boyfriend was about a foot taller than him.)

Levi pulled on a pair of briefs—because even if Erwin was into trotting around their apartment naked, he was not—before walking to the kitchen to make sure that Hanji was not actually imitating Miley Cyrus and destroying their kitchen with a wrecking ball.

“What the fuck. Are you doing.”

Hanji, as it turned out, was making pancakes. And had already made coffee as they slid a mug of it toward him as soon as he sat down at the kitchen bar. He glared at her suspiciously before taking a gulp. It was surprisingly good. “Thanks,” he said, reluctant.

They laughed. “No problem. I figured you were one of those guys who deleted words like please and thank you from their dictionaries until they've had caffeine.”

He tried to digest that and couldn't. “Too early.”

Hanji laughed again and flipped a pancake so high he scared it would stick to the ceiling. Then, as Hanji caught it as if they were line-cook at a five-star breakfast-for-dinner restaurant, Levi noticed that they're apparel of that morning was some gargantuan shirt of Erwin's. No, scratch that, it was just gargantuan on them. Levi concentrated and realized it was the shirt Erwin was wearing last night. Levi made a disgruntled noise. He did not feel as if this relationship was far enough that they could be wearing Erwin's shirts.

He choked, realizing what he had just thought. Was he actual considering letting this bat shit crazy person stay with them?

He sneaked a look at Hanji and wondered if they were wearing underwear under the shirt.

“So where's Sugar-daddy?”

Levi coughed and Hanji sent him a concerned glance. When Levi had himself under control, he said, “Erwin is dead to world before ten o'clock.”

Hanji looked at the kitchen clock—some pretty thing that Erwin had gotten in Germany; at least it didn't make fucking bird calls—and said, “Breakfast in Bed then.”

 

Erwin smelled something good. A second whiff confirmed that it was not Levi's hair (and while Levi claimed he did not use “prissy” shampoo because “you're the prissy gay guy in this relationship”, Erwin knew better after waking up to smell of it for the past year). Erwin opened his eyes and saw Levi and Hanji sitting on the side of the bed with plates on their laps. “Morning,” he said trying to sit up.

“Morning, Big Guy.” Hanji passed him a plate piled high with misshapen pancakes (Levi contributing “they look shitty but they taste great”) and a mug of black coffee. “Was surprised you took it like that. Even Chuck Norris over here uses creamer.”

“He's not as macho as he likes you to think.”

“I'm starting to think I'm the only one here who's macho at all.”

Levi suddenly had a vague memory of lavender-colored lacy panties from the day before and scanned the room until he saw them in the corner. But that still didn't settle the question of whether Hanji had on underwear now.

Erwin pointed at Hanji. More specifically, at their shirt. “That looks good on you.”

They grinned. “I try.”

Then, his mind still bleary with sleep, he pointed to her neck, adorned with the angry red hickeys of two very happy sexual partners. “Those do too.”

Hanji gave him a grin that was completely feral. If Erwin was holding his plate instead of balancing it in his lap, he would have dropped. “What are you? Some sort of sex monster?” Levi demanded.

Hanji shrugged. “And what else you two do, other than bumping uglies?”

Levi scowled but said, “Erwin is an up and coming bank manager—”

“Sugar-daddy! Called it!” Hanji fist pumped the air.

“—and I am a graduate student who works part-time at a pre-school.”

Hanji stared. “A pre-school? You? You must be joking? I was expecting a bike shop or a book store or at some prissy tea shop. Or at least Starbucks. But a pre-school? You are not G-rated.”

“Levi's actually quite attached to some of the children there. He'll be very sad when Eren and Mikasa graduate.”

“And Armin,” Levi said, “Everyone's always forgetting Armin.”

Erwin looked at him tenderly. “See what I mean.”

Levi flushed. “What do you do then?”

“I'm a zoologist. I work at the local bat research facility.”

“So you are, literally, bat shit crazy.”

“Haha,” Hanji said, rolling their eyes. “Like I haven't heard that before.”

An awkward silence settled over them. “Fuck! I'm sorry. You can even fucking stay, alright. Just don't sing anymore.”

“Stay?” Hanji repeated, like they'd never heard the word before. “Like? Move in?”

“Levi, I'm hurt. You didn't let me move in with you until we had dated for six months.”

“That's because the only thing you're good at is schmoozing with people.”

“He's good at sex,” Hanji added.

Levi pursed his lips. “And that. But you can't cook and you can't clean. They can cook!” He pointed a finger at Hanji. Erwin wasn't sure how long until he and Hanji burst into laughter. “I am going to get dressed because I have work. Unlike some people.”

Hanji snorted and Erwin let out a few laughs but they stayed mostly silent while Levi got dressed. Erwin waited until Levi had left the bedroom and was walking toward the front door to call, “Levi? Aren't you going to kiss me good-bye?”

“Fuck you!” came the response. “Fuck you and fuck the world and fuck the whole fucking world!” Levi came stomping back into the room, stopping in front of Erwin. He leaned down and gave Erwin a kiss on the forehead. And then, for good measure, gave one to Hanji too. Then he stomped out of the room and they heard him slam the front door behind him.

“I can't clean,” Hanji confessed.

“It's okay,” Erwin said, through a mouthful of pancake, “I don't mind singing.”

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome to my 100% serious Modern AU. I'm pretty confident when I say that this the most original piece of fanfiction I've ever written. 
> 
> But really, this is my first time to write something like this. Usually my fics are 80%-90% serious. Sometimes they're not, but they're never like this and holy crap this was so much fun and I want to write more. I hoped you enjoyed it.


End file.
